Irrespective of how much attention you give in raising your children well, child’s bad behaviour can manifest in them when you least expect it. There are certain child behaviour problems that are common and bound to appear at one point or another. Sometimes parents are tempted to overlook children’s bad behaviour, but if not intervened, they can build up to become more serious and entrenched characteristics.
Some of the bad behaviour that your child must conquer are –
Lying
Children mainly lie in order to avoid getting into trouble, to catch someone’s attention or to feel better about themselves. When there is so much pressure on the child to do the right thing, he or she resorts to lying than admitting the mistake. As they get away with the small lies, it leads them to make more serious mistakes in the future that have bigger consequences.
Temper tantrums
The uncontrollable yelling, kicking, crying and screaming, especially when in public, is the hardest thing to handle. If your child throws a fit for an ice-cream in a supermarket and you give in, she will remember temper tantrums as a way to get what she wants. Temper tantrum that usually starts at a younger age should slowly disappear once the child starts to go to school and if not, it will become a habit hard to break.
Interrupting when you are talking
Your child may be incredibly excited to share an interesting anecdote with you or ask a question, but it is still not an excuse to interrupt your conversation with someone. Allowing it once will make her believe that she is entitled to have your attention at all times and get frustrated when you are busy. Rooted in lack of patience, this characteristic of your child becomes a habit and can have long-lasting ill effects.
Swearing
Children learn a language by repeating the words they hear their parents or someone they admire speak. They may not always understand their meaning. They might be using those words to express an emotion like frustration or just because it sounds funny or to get a reaction. It is the responsibility of the parents to avoid swearing in the presence of children and to talk to them about not swearing.
Bullying
Parents always try their best to protect their children from getting bullied. So it can come as a shock to them to realise that their children can be bullies too. Often, bullying is a way to hide their own insecurities and a violent way of defending themselves. Identification of bullying behaviour should be followed up by finding its causes and solutions
What causes bad behaviour?
Bad behaviour can stem from various issues in the child’s life – environmental, emotional or biological. When a sudden change happens in the routine, children find it difficult to cope. They become loud, aggressive and defiant. The change can also be in the form of the appearance of a bully who is verbally or physically threatening them. It results in destructive behaviour, insecurity and withdrawal. Children suffering from ADHD, depression or bipolar tend to throw tantrums and exhibit a lot of bad behaviour. The mental issues act as barriers to proper social conduct and result in their aggressive attitude.
The most common cause of bad behaviour, however, is poor parenting. Parents who lack the knowledge or skills of healthy parenting, who lay down vigorous but inconsistent rules and criticise too much have a negative impact on their children. Too much attention or neglect also results in children craving for parents’ attention and using bad behaviour to gain it. Excessive reliance on digital devices has increased the rash and immoral behaviour in children. Parents get lost in modern life and fail to inculcate good manners in children. Material gifts taking the place of time, love and affection has only made things worse.
Ways to handle bad behaviour
Of all the people around a child, it is his or her parents who take up the most responsibility to discipline them. While being sensitive to the child’s social-emotional development, it is essential to teach your child to have control over their attitude, actions and words. Focus on disciplining them in a positive way by protecting them, helping them to have self-control, teaching a sense of responsibility and instilling values. The ways that you adopt should be consistent and fair to reap positive effects –
Do not tell the world
It is only natural that you want to share your hardships with your friends or other members of your family. But when you tell them how bad your child behaved that morning in his presence, it only inspires them to do more of it. When a slightly negative picture is painted of them, they are prompted to take revenge by doing worse things. Instead, try telling the world about their positive traits and all the good things that they did. It makes them proud and encourages improving their behaviour.
Reinforce better behaviour
It is highly unlikely that your child always listens to you. So when they do or when they act responsibly without your prompt, let them know how proud you are of them. Your appreciation goes a long way in reinforcing positive behaviour. It encourages them to exercise good self-control. The rewards can be in the forms of praise, love and things that add to their skills (like books) in place of materialistic things. It also helps them in differentiating between desirable qualities from undesirable ones. Judicious use of rewards gives credibility to your discipline demands.
Mind your behaviour
Your child, irrespective of how old he is, has the traits that are either inherited or learned from you. So if you notice sudden bouts of anger, check to see if you do the same. Parents, when they are overworked or stressed, get into bursts of disappointment or angst, which cascades into their child’s behaviour. So the key is to have good control over your emotions. Even if you are frustrated, have patience and be polite. Take a deep breath and sort out the situation instead of yelling at them. Your child will learn from your reaction and remember to calm himself down.
Provide alternatives
In order to get your child to stop doing something, try offering alternative ways of engaging him or his emotions. For example, if he is extremely frustrated, when he attempts to yell, give him a pillow to hit instead. It provides him a moment to ponder upon what he is doing. Let him know that whilst his emotions and impulses are valid, all of his ways of expression and outpouring are not. Also, try to pitch in and add to your child’s ideas on how to change the situation. For instance, instead of fighting over the toy, ask him to gently coax his younger brother into sharing the toy with him.
Practice prevention
Your knowledge of your child should come to good use in preventing needless aggression. If he tends to switch on the television soon after coming home from school, instead of bickering over it, hide the TV remote in a place he cannot find. When he doesn’t have access to something, it reduces his temptation and helps in breaking the habit. Additionally, plan ahead. To stop the whining in the morning while getting ready to go to school, ensure that he goes to bed early at night after preparing everything for the next day.
Listen carefully
Children feel better when they realise they are heard and their opinions are validated. Addressing their concerns may not wipe out their issues but can reduce their anger. For example, if they are whining about having the soft drink in the supermarket before billing it, say, “I can understand that you want to drink it right now but it’s against the supermarket’s policy and so we’ll have to wait until we are outside.” It instantly makes them feel better and have better control over their urge. Try to incorporate their ideas if they are feasible so that they do not feel the need to yell to have their way.
Explain your rules
When even adults find it difficult to follow a rule without understanding the logic behind it, we cannot expect the children to do it. So when you lay down rules, tell them their significance and how it is related to their own good. While you forbid them to snatch toys or steal other people’s things, explain to them how others feel when they lose things. Instilling empathy is a better way to make them behave than to force them to follow rules with the threat of consequences. As a result, their good actions will be voluntary and its impact long lasting.
Keep promises
More often than not, children are angry at parents for not keeping their promises. When you see your child starting to get angry, sit them down and explain why you could not keep your promise. Do not make a promise to your child that you cannot keep. Like how you expect them to stick to a plan and keep their word, they expect the same from you. They never forget the promises that you make. So the rude behaviour can be avoided by following through with your promise by not making a promise you cannot keep.
Understand and respect your child
Some children need more time to get used to an environment and function as per the norm or expected way. So when you encounter their puzzled expression, ask them if they need your help instead of forcing them to behave well. Sometimes they expect you to give them instructions in a certain manner and will be less receptive to your demands otherwise. In such cases, it is better to analyse their expectations and come to a middle ground where both of you can agree upon. Negative consequences like punishments need not always work. It is your understanding and expressions of love that often win over your children.
Adjust the environment
Making the environment as positive as possible is another way of ensuring that your child does not have an excuse to misbehave. For example, if it is time for him to do his homework, remove all the distractions like mobile phones, video games etc. from his peripherals. To focus on the task assigned, this setting should be ideal. He will cooperate better if you both are clear on your expectations from each other.
Raising well-behaved children
Children grow physically, emotionally and intellectually and every change comes with challenges. It is the collective responsibility of the community to help children to face and overcome those challenges. Children who cause trouble at school are slightly difficult to manage but even they have the potential to improve.
Winmore Academy, one of the top CBSE schools in the country, has effective classroom management strategies that help both students and teachers. Lessons in good manners are taught through various life skills programmes and are spoken of during school assemblies. Our standard of behavioural expectations is uniform for all students irrespective of their diverse backgrounds. Being aware of plausible peer pressure, we give counselling sessions, if necessary, to those students who need help.
The student-teacher relationship at Winmore is built on the common ground of mutual respect and admiration. Good manners are insisted upon in our school to build up a generation that shows consideration and thoughtfulness towards one another and the society as a whole.