The first lesson in safety for children is distinguishing “good touch” from “bad touch”. The second one, as demanded by the ways of today’s world, is the lesson on consent. Children understand it better when we say, “asking for permission”. Consent is the choice that one makes about touching or any other actions and respecting that choice.
Why it matters
Consent education teaches the youngsters that, regardless of age, they have a voice and their opinions matter. With this understanding, they also become better equipped to respect others’ opinions.
How to engage children with the concept of consent
- Everyday interactions
Use everyday moments to get the conversation started. Teach them to ask their playmates for permission before hugging or kissing them. At the same time, respect your child’s choice if he or she chooses not to embrace or sit on someone else’s lap. Teach them to ask for consent with other children. (“Do you want to play with the red or the green car?”)
- Setting boundaries
Boundaries are a person’s decision of what is comfortable for them. Teach your child that their body belongs to them, they get to decide about their own body, no one should touch them without their permission and that they should repect other people’s choices as well.
- Saying ‘no’ is okay
Parents and children together should understand that “No” and “Stop” are powerful words that need to be honoured. Model consent by stopping when they say “No!” to tickling, hugging, kissing or wrestling them. Before we know it, our children will be teaching other children who don’t understand the scope of “no” and “stop”.
- Feelings and instincts
Ask your child to be aware of the weird or bad feelings they have about certain scenarios or people. Teach them that this “belly feeling” can sometimes be correct and that they should approach an adult they trust immediately. Talk to them in a way that you make it safe for them to express their feelings.
- Be open and honest
Be approachable and open to answering their questions. If a question is asked in an awkward moment, promise them that they will surely get an answer later. If you are embarrassed about something, that would make it difficult for them to talk to you.
- Model consent and empower children
When parents are on this lesson, we also need to model consent. That’s the hardest part, especially for the Indian parents. We are really bad at respecting our children’s physical and emotional boundaries. “Would you rather give him a high-five than a hug?”
Support their growing confidence in asserting their views and opinions. Expect teenagers to be curious and to seek information from unreliable sources. Instead of criticising, given them the most reliable and age-appropriate knowledge that they may be seeking.
Teaching consent inadvertently imbibes in them values of behaviour and help them maintain healthy relationships.